Americana – Marilyn versus Twin Peaks

I got a call from a producer. “Can you sound sexy?”

“Do bears sit in the woods?” I giggled.

“It’s shit.”

“I’m sorry?”

“The bears in the woods. Never mind. Can you sound like Marilyn Monroe?”

“Breathy, sexy, lots of cleavage…?”

“Yes. And American. You’ve got to sound American.”

“No problem!” I gushed. “Send over the script!”

When the words arrived, I wasn’t convinced I actually needed to sound like Marilyn at all. The copy just didn’t seem to suit a Marilyn read in any way. (It was for a cafe in Chesterfield). So while I was recording the audio, I did the Marilyn reads as requested – all eyelashes, over-the-shoulder coquettishness and lots and lots of breathy breathing – but it didn’t feel right.

I changed tack.

I adjusted my headphones to fit into the permanent gully that sits across the top of my cranium, flattening my hair like an invisible Alice Band – an occupational hazard of wearing headphones all day. I said: “For the benefit of the tape” – I was recording an mp3, even though that gives the impression I was giving a police interview – “I’m going to give you a Twin Peaks style read. Think of the character Audrey. American, playful, teasing, wide-eyed and not as overtly, you know, sexual…but still very sexy. Heck, I always sound sexy!” I joked, laughing so hard I needed a puff on my inhaler.

So here it is. A sort of Twin Peaks read. It’d sound more Twin Peaksy if the music was more 50s jazz-noir…but you’ll see what I mean. Give it a listen.

To completely change the mood, do you want to hear something that might make you cry? Click here.

To see the vintage American quilt that features the image above, click here.