I read in today’s Sun – only the best in my house, Reader – that the world’s first sexbot doll has been unveiled. And she’s called Roxxxy. I ask you. What else was on the flipchart? What’s wrong with names like Muriel or Helen? Or Emma, while we’re at it? (Have a read of the article. It’s really creepy. Especially when the bloke from the rubber doll company says: “She’s a companion. She has a personality. She hears you. She listens to you. She speaks. She feels your touch.” Eeew).
But here’s the rub – not only does Roxxxy come with five different personalities (which sounds like a psychotic disorder to me but what do I know about sexbots?) she – wait for it – talks! Yes! About football and cars. This, clearly, is what men want while sharing a sexual act with a lump of latex.
Can you imagine?
Bloke: Ooh, baby, yeah!
Roxxxy: Yes, that’s absolutely top notch but did you know that the recent icy roads have clearly demonstrated that rear-wheel drive cars perform poorly in wintry conditions, especially on hillocks.
Bloke: Oooh – do you want me to do what I’m doing harder?
Roxxxy: The off-side rule which is when a player is in an offside position if he is nearer to his opponents’ goal line than both the ball and the second last opponent!
Bloke: Oh, yeah, yeah!
Roxxxy: Error 404! Cashier number four please! After 100 yards, turn left. Press 3 for accounts…
Sexy, isn’t it?
It begs the question: who did the voice?? And what did they have to do at the audition?
In the interests of equality, a male version of the doll (to be named Rocky) is also planned. (Rocky!) What the hell will Rocky talk about?
Rocky: No, I don’t fancy it tonight, love. Anyway, QI‘s on in a minute. And no, I won’t take the bins out. It’s bloody raining out there, you daft mare. Put the kettle on, will you, love? And bring me a couple of custard creams while you’re at it, I’m starving here.
Livesey Lives on 5 Live!
This evening, I’ll be on the very first Tony Livesey show on BBC 5 Live, if anyone wants to have a listen.