The morning when you get back to work after a holiday is a challenge.

I don’t take a lot of time off.  Perhaps I should.  Many of my customers try to encourage me to take more time off. They’re always saying, “Go away, Emma,“ which I think is actually very thoughtful of them.

So last week I booked FIVE DAYS off work and made my way to the Lakes with The Family Clarke.  We had a wonderful time:  swimming, hiking, cycling, llama trekking – the works. We were ACTIVE.

And now what?  I’m slobbed over my desk looking longingly out at the sunshine, wishing desperately I was still blood-pumpingly en vacances.  Today, I’ve been wading through the mass of emails (mostly from people called Gunther who want to sell me products that will enhance my personal life) trying to catch up with the backlog that’s accumulated while I’ve been off.  It’s as if the devil has vomited in my Inbox.

In search of the perfect voice

A correspondent sent me an article that discusses the definition of the most perfect, the most appealing, the most aurally attractive voices known to man.  Reader, I’ve got to tell you: I’m scared.  Frankly, I sound nothing like Alan Rickman so I’m wondering if my days as a pro voice are numbered.

Interestingly, the researchers concluded “the ideal voice should utter no more than 164 words per minute and pause for 0.48 seconds between sentences. Sentences themselves should fall rather than rise in intonation.”  Try telling that to a client who’s trying to cram 367 extra words into a 20 second ad.  I can just imagine it:

Copywriter:  But if you want more words, the voiceover will sound rubbish.  It’ll be too quick.

Client:  I don’t care.  I want you to mention my address, postcode, blood group, wife’s name and how my product delivers quality value and service.  And make sure the voice sounds like Alan Rickman.

Copywriter:  But you said you wanted a female voice.

Client: That’s irrelevant.  I want Alan Rickman in a dress, in front of a microphone on my ad and that’s final.