Now I know what you’re thinking…

I know it’s been a long time since my last post.  I know my absence from cyber-land might be seen as slack-arsed laziness, but Reader, nothing could be further from the truth. I’ve been working like A TROJAN, spending all day every day (except my birthday if we’re being picky) voicing like a bitch.  I’ve also been writing a lot.  Not blogs, obviously, but I have been working on my Magnum Hopeless.  Hell, I’m STILL working on it and may well be for some considerable time to come.  But today, my email server’s down which means there’s a stack of email waiting to land in my Inbox, so while I have these stolen moments, I thought I’d fill the time by doing what I most want to do – write my blogs.

So what’s new in my insular little world?

Well, I’ve got a glowing mouse for my laptop.  It’s fantastic, it changes colour and everything!  I’ve got a couple of new hanging baskets.  A whizzy new Dictaphone.  A slo-cooker.  Er…

You can tell I lead a jetset lifestyle, can’t you?

One thing that IS new is the brand-spanking comments facility on this blog!  So do feel free to add your ramblings to mine and we can ramble together through a virtual thicket of words.  I welcome your contributions.

I’ve been very unlucky with my IT set up.  My tech guy tells me I’m the unluckiest woman, techno-wise, he’s ever come across.  You know how in the tale of yore Midas  used to touch things and they turned to gold?  Well, I’m the reverse of that.  I’m Sadim, the woman who touches a computer and it instantly melts, falls apart and turns to a small pile of black rust.

BOTH my servers died.  Yes, BOTH of them.  Because of my appalling history with computers (ie they all commit suicide when I look at them) I’m paranoid about having backups.  So my office used to have enough computer hardware to power NASA, hence the two server scenario.  Anyway, they both croaked.  Loudly, actually.  And it was only when my tech guy genius was dismantling them that we found a dead mouse welded to the back of the machine we’d jokily referred to as ‘King Dong.’  My cats are the Ronnie and Reggie of the cat kingdom and are skilled serial killers.  I often come downstairs in a morning to a vision of vole carnage on the kitchen floor.  Anyway, at least we found the source of the horrible smell that had permeated the office.  I’d been unfairly blaming Sweetman.  So now I’m serverless, relying on a complex backup system involving numerous computers dotted about the globe which – and this is crucial – I shall never see or touch.

I’ve voiced all sorts of things over the past couple of months.  Loads of radio and TV ads, corporate stuff and so on.  I’ve been working on a fab new podcast which, fate permitting, should become a regular feature – more to follow soon.  I’ve just finished a big project for a kids’ educational site – again, more to follow when the PR guys take my muzzle off.

I haven’t been able to do the Edinburgh festival as I’d hoped; this writing job I’ve had on has soaked up all my time but I’d love to do it at a small venue as soon as my commitments allow.

But here in my little office with my little studio, it’s business as usual.  Me and The Sweetman (my male counterpart, voiceover and quiz-show host extraordinaire, Rich Sweetman) still do our sparkling wine / scratchcard / beat the intro game ritual every Friday.  On sunny days we have a barbecue.  Nothing meaty for me, mind, what with being veggie.  While Sweetman’s tucking into bison kebabs, I’m nibbling a chargrilled courgette.

So even though my blog may be silent, remember, I am ever toiling.  And you, dear Reader, are ever close to my heart.

“The voiceover must sound like a normal person”

Translate these phrases into actual English and you’ll win a prize!*

The day I met a flasher

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Emma Clarke

Emma is an award-winning voiceover, broadcaster and writer. Want to find out more about Emma?
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