This is not a picture of me. Honestly.
This is not a picture of me. Honestly.

This bizarre but brilliant ad is one of the daftest things I’ve recorded this year. And by God, that’s saying something.

The producer emailed me.

“Phone me,” said the message.

This is rare. Usually people email you with an actual message, not a request to make contact via another method of communication. I got the feeling there might be a Special Care Job in the offing. (We get them occasionally – mainly due to a tricky customer, a sensitive subject, an award entry or anything Welsh).

I rang the producer.

“Can you sound like an old lady?”

“Yes,” I said, pretending not to be wearing my dentures. Just to prove it. (I do actually have teeth. This was an audio pretense).

“Can you sound like an old lady rapping?”

“What? Like Eminem?” I said.

“Yes,” he said. “But for a clothes shop in Aylesbury.”

This, reader, was the result.

The producer’s worked wonders on this. Not least because I was recording it via ISDN (which means there’s a digital delay of about 0.5 of a second) so I was hearing the music late, he was hearing me late and none of it fitted the beat.

I can confirm it’s very tricky to rap in the style of an old lady when you’re being challenged by physics.

Fun though, right?


Want to hear more ridiculous voices? Click here.

Want to read the article that features the above image? Click here.


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